Sydney's Educational Institutions....a definition
How Many Students Does It Take To Screw On A Light Bulb?
Abbotsleigh - Four. One to smash the glass ceiling so that they can to
the top of the ladder, one to install the globe and two to check that
it's brighter than PLC's.
Ascham - One, because she's a unique, self motivated, individual.
Balmain High- 19- 1 to change the light bulb, 6 to beat up the Hunters
Hill kids, 6 to beat up the Fort st girls soccer team, and 6 to get
killed by leichhardt.
Bankstown Boys - JESUS PLEASE do not bring us to have to see those
hideous faces ever again.
Bankstown Girls - ditto dicko.
Barker College - Fifteen. One to change it and the rest to walk around
as if they own the place and talk it up.
Barrenjoey High - Eleven. One to change it and ten to share the experience.
Belmore Boys - WHATEVER...that hole should definitely be kept in the dark.
Bradfield College - Do they even have students?
Brigidine - None. It's too hard to find a new globe with their sunglasses.
Burwood Girls - None, that shithole looks better in the dark. So does
Strathfield Girls by the way.
Canterbury Boys - none, they're waiting for their male counterparts,
Canterbury Girls to come and fix the light for them.
Castle Hill High - None. They're all at the school captain's piss up.
Cheltenham - None. No one can climb the ladder cos their skirts are too short!
Cherrybrook Tech - Two. One to change it and one to make sure that
everyone has huge stuffed toys hanging off their phones.
Cranbrook - Six. One to change the bulb and five to support its sexual
orientation.
Crestwood High – None. They don't mind screwing in the dark.
Endeavour Sports High School - These felas can't even spell light
bulb...WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT (go the roosters).
Epping Boys - Nah bruva we gotta check out the chicks in ma Honda
Forest High - Two. One to change the bulb and one to figure out how to
get high off the old one.
Fort St High - The whole school- one to make the ladder, one to make a
better ladder, then they can argue about who's ladder is best.
Meanwhile, a third person climbs both ladders at once, a fourth one
then hands them a globe that they made in science, the musos provide
the entertainment for the event, and the rest of the school stand
around arguing about who's religion/subculture/political party/footy
team/race/gender/denomination is better.
Galston High - None. There's no power out there and they're all doing
each other up.
Girraween High - Two. One student and one teacher but not before they make out.
Hills Grammar - 13. One to change it. Twelve to make sure its better
than Oakhill's.
Holy Cross - Four. One to call a Riverside girl to come do it while
the rest look up her skirt when she's up the ladder.
Homebush Boys High - Fourteen. One to change it, one to throw the old
one at the St Pat's boys and 12 to kick the crap out of each other in
the meantime.
Hunters Hill High - None, Are you kidding they're all too bent!
James Ruse Agricultural - Four. One to design a nuclear powered one
that never needs changing, two to install it and one to write the
computer program that controls the switch.
Joey's - Fifteen. It's not that one's not smart enough, it's just that
they're a team and they have to form a lineout and get the backs into
position.
Kambala - Two. One to change the bulb and one to phone daddy to pay for it.
Killara High - Two. One to change the bulb and one to write to the
North Shore Times about how she did it as well as any privateschool
student.
Kincoppal - Three. One to change it and two to make sure her hair
ribbons are still in place afterwards.
King's - Two. One to change the globe faster than anyone in the GPS
one to show him around the school afterwards.
Knox Grammar - Two. One to install the new bulb completely powered by
testosterone and one to brag about it loudly.
Leichhardt High - Four. One to order a Venetian chandelier from her
cousin Roberto who owns a lighting warehouse and imports from the old
country, one to arrange delivery cause his sister's husband Tony has
an uncle whose mate, Angelo, has a truck, one to put the squeeze on
his neighbour Dominic the electrician because he owes him a favour and
make sure everything is done cash.
Loretto Kirribilli - One. She'll put through a call to maintenance
staff because there's no way she's going to do manual labour.
Loretto Normanhurst - Four.One to change it. Three to make sure her
cardigan is still wrapped around her shoulders and her ribbons from
her head and bag are still tied in a bow.
Macdonald College - Five. One to change the bulb and four to do
interpretive dance about how the light feels.
Macquarie Uni - 38, so as to maintain that they're twice as good as
sydney uni. Unles of course its conception day then they're all stuck
in the que at the bar.
Mercy College - Five, one to screw it in, two to laugh about the word
screw and two o message the St Pius boys about it.
MLC Burwood- Three. One to call the cabana boys and two to stand there
giggling while he climbs the ladder.
Monte Sant' Angelo Mercy College- Four. One to change the light bulb.
One to mind her spot in the canteen line, one to notify the Sisters to
start a chapel service about the event and one to notify the business
office so the bulb can be billed to their accounts.
Mosman High - None. There's no money to replace any lights anyway!
Mount St. Benedicts - Three. One to hold a mirror up for everyone. One
to change it and one to make sure the Oakhill guys dont label them as
a canine airport again.
Newington. - None. They're all too drunk to notice.
Newtown- They don't need light globes! They're all such bright stars!
(or so they think)
North Sydney Boys - None. They were off playing basketball.
North Sydney Girls - One and she will make sure it was the best
installation ever.
Oakhill - Twelve. One to go to Towers to buy it. Ten to go down there
with him to hang out at the bus stop. And one to change it.
Patrician Brothers - None. All the homies wana stay in the dark like
hard core ****.
Pendle Hill High- 6- One to take out the old globe and put the new one
in, and the other 5 to figure out some way of making the old globe
into a lethal weapon.
PLC - One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Queenwood - Depends, could be one, could be ten, no-one is prepared to
commit unless the Shore boys are definitely going to be there.
Ravenswood - Five. One to change the bulb, two to reassure her that
she doesn't look fat at the top of the ladder and two to circulate
photos showing that she does.
Redfield College - Sixteen. One to change it, 10 to get drunk and
laugh at the guy changing it and 5 to pray that everything goes down
smoothly.
Riverside Girls - Five. one to change the bulb, while the rest watch
out for the flasher while maintaining it is "their right as women in
John Howard's electorate".
Riverview - Five. One to change it, and four to go to Gowings for new
flannelette shirts to wear for the occasion.
Ryde Secondary - Three. One to hold the ladder, one to change the
bulb, while the other asks "wait don't we go to malvina dude?" "no
it's ryde secondary" "no malvina" "ryde secondary" etc.
Santa Sabina - None. They're all down at Strathfield station having a ciggie.
SCEGGS Redlands - Three. One to change the bulb and two to nick down
to Bed, Bath and Table to buy a Jacquard shade for it in the new
season's colours.
Scot's - Two. One to mix the martinis and one to phone the electrician.
Shalvey High - None. They're all hiding their HSC marks from the
Sydney Moring Herald.
Shore - Sixteen. One to send out the invitations, two to get the beer,
one to change the bulb, one to buy Ralph Lauren polos for everyone,
two to smuggle the chicks in and one to keep watch for the boarding
master. The second eight just need to be ready to back them up.
St Aloyisius - Three. One to put in a formal complaint about the
imposition, one to change the bulb and one to make the observation
that it isn't half as bright as the light shining from their arses.
St Pat's, Strathfield - Ten. One to change it and one to buy the hair
gel to impress the Santa Sabina chicks, while the rest compete wiv da
Christian Bruvvers for da turf (Strathfield Station).
St Pius X - Three, one to get word around that the Mercy girls are
talking about a screw, one to replace the bulb and one to pray that
they get it done in time to beat the Chatswood High boys the Mercy
party.
Stella Maris College- Eleven. One to find the deputy to change the
light bulb because it is a safety hazard and shouldn't be attempted by
the students. One to wait at the door with the old bulb. One Catholic
to argue with one Pentacostal while the other two Pentacostal girls
attempt to convert the six girls laying on the beach in their clone
designer sunnies getting a tan for the up coming summer.
Strathfield Girls - Three. One will change it. The other will orally
explain to the Homebush Boys about how to change it. The third will
statistically demonstrate how they beat Burwood Girls in the HSC
again.
Sydney Boy's High - None. They didn't have to, the Sydney Girls
insisted on showing them how it was done.
Sydney Girl's High - One and she was determined to get better results
than the Sydney Boys.
Sydney Grammar - Two. One to change the bulb and one to crack under
the pressure.
Sydney Uni - Seventy six. One to change the globe. Fifty to protest
the globe's right not to change and twenty five to stage a counter
protest.
Tangara - None. if they turn on the lights everyone will be blinded by
their **** orange uniform, then their daddies will have to fight a
court case for them.
Tara - Five. One to replace the globe, three to figure out that she
screwed it in upside down and one to phone her brother at Kings and
him to send over his mates to show them how to screw the right way up.
Terra Sancta - One. One to change it because the rest are making out.
The Conservatorium of Music- They'd rather not show their faces to the
public right now. It's a hard time for them right now- they've just
figured out how bad they all are at music, hence their lives are now
pointless.
Trinity - None. Those poor bastards are keeping their backs to the
wall even if it means standing in the dark.
Tyndale - None. They're all too busy at Westpoint Blacktown.
Wiley Park Girls - HAHAHAHAHAHA.... AS IF any of them are at school today.
Woolwich Girls- 60- One to buy a new phone, 3 to call the electrician,
56 to hold the ladder while the electrician is up there, then the lot
of them try to shag him when he's done.
