Ah yes,
Tom Cruise — Hollywood’s most energetic chaos goblin.
Here we go
(light roast, respectful, but honest):
Tom Cruise is the only man alive who looks like he’s
constantly in the middle of a full-speed sprint, even when he’s just standing still.
His agent probably gets calls like:
“Hey, is Tom available for a movie?”
“Well, does it involve him hanging off something very tall?”
“…yes?”
“Okay great, he’s already halfway up it.”
He’s built an entire career on
running, jumping, and ignoring the concept of gravity.
He doesn’t age — he just
levels up.
Also, Tom Cruise is like 5’7”, but emotionally he’s
7 feet tall and sprinting toward a helicopter that’s already taking off.
Respectfully:
No one in film history has ever worked harder to prove that a green screen is for cowards.
precision
